If you can bear to peek at the worst stories I've ever tried to write, they're here at Suvudu.com.
I had about 25 of these, all written years ago and then abandoned. The hardest part was deciding which 10 were the absolute worst. There was some pretty stiff competition.
22 comments:
Wow.
As an aspiring writer, you've just made my day.
Thanks Alan.
Wow.
As an aspiring writer, you've just made my day.
Thanks Alan!
Whiskey! with an E and you're a Scotsman! tut tut!
I hope Iain Banks doesn't read that bit...
Or was it an Irish bar?
Well spotted Bob. I'd normally pick up things like that when I'm editing. Unfortunately none of these stories ever got that far!
Well, there you go. Your worst ideas are still better than my best ideas.
I don't believe that for a minute, Anton.
Believe it.
I like the second one. I have visions of an Iceland supermarket in space with the Nightingales strolling through the cryo pod area deciding whether they're going to have Chinese, Mexican or Indian tonight.
Now you've gone and made me want to write that story.
If these are really the worst you could come up with, you have no idea what is a really bad story. I would have kept reading every single one of them had there been more. The cell-phone one was very good, but all around, your capacity to create intelligent humour is outstanding.
Congratulations on such creativity and narrative skills.
PS. Damn Tor! Why is God of Clocks going to be released only in July (In Britain, that is)!?!?
John Wyndham did a cannibals in space story way back.
It ended with some rescuers arriving at the stranded spacecraft and one of the cannibals saying to her child, "Look, baby. Food. Lovely food."
It was quite chilling actually.
In the hands of a master, it suddenly doesn't seem quite such a daft idea.
Ha ha, these made my day. I must say I rather liked the cell-phone one. Has potential, that one. At least ideas we cringe at afterward are often good for a laugh.
Hello!
I'm Simon Kavanagh and I make films about Robo-rabbits and dangerous Scots (see Alan's earlier posts for gory details).
(I'm also a literary agent - Alan's literary agent, actually - a fact that makes me immensely happy.)
But ... I think one of the '10 worst' actually has a special kind of genius because - days later - I *still* burst out laughing at, oh dear, really the most inappropriate moments.
Ladies & Gentlemen ... let's have it one more time, an encore for -
Untitled Sheep Story.
(C) Alan Campbell 2009.
The right of Alan Campbell to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
"Something weird was happening to McTavish’s sheep. Something unnatural."
It's GENIUS!
(Yes, yes, it is me - email me tomorrow if you must, but should we really cut this bit out? I think we should leave it in for comic effect. I would sign in with my blogger account - but I've forgotten what it is. As it is the anonymous sign-in requires me to type 'knobbed' which I'm finding alarmingly amusing. Hee hee. Sx)
Maybe I should write it.
On second thoughts maybe I should ask other people to write it and then post them here.
Some sort of prize needs to be given. Either...
1) Guaranteed representation from a top London literary agency.
2) A signed book.
Hmm....
Simon?
Oh, ummm - the signed book?
(Please, Jesus, the signed book?)
You do realise everyone's watching that Greek man above me work on his erection, don't you? No one's looking at this bit of the blog.
Oh -Christ. It's the 'type in the indecipherable letters' bit of the anonymous post...
Sx
PS - I love my Fallout 3 dog. Thank you.
PPS - He's dead.
You're a genius! For sure!
And today's fun fact:
"Never Buy Radiators from Genies" is in fact an anagram of "Morbidity of Unserene Ravagers"!
You were totally onto something there. ;)
I can't believe you worked that out. Nevertheless, I prefer your version.
Hello!
I am a fan of the book, Scar Night and i have just a few questions about the intial planning and qwriting ofthe book. I would really like to learn about the stories behind Carnival and Dill. Also , what inspired you to write in the first place?
Thankyou!
Hello!
I am an old fan of your novel, Scar Night. I would really like to learn about the stories behind Carnival and Dill , and what isnpired you to write in the first place! I am an aspiring artist who loves to draw winged people and birds , so that's why your novel affected me in the way it has. Your description of flight,strain on the feathers, and changing direction held me spell-bound for many hours!
So kudos for a great book and I hope to speak with you at some point.
Thanks, Queen of Trombones. I'm always happy to chat. Maybe I should blog about it?
well i have a blog now as well, i don't know if you have a link to it to or not. Thankyou for replying so quickly though!
http://trombonequeen.blogspot.com/
Well i now have a blog as well at,
http://trombonequeen.blogspot.com/ If you would like to talk I would be happy to! Thankyou for replying so quickly.
Post a Comment