After twice promising to waive their evil, immoral - and undoubtedly illegal - reconnection fee, BT once again reneged. They had no record, they said, of promising to waive the charge - or rather their system had no record.
Now, I'm pretty sure the operator had typed something into his computer - I remembered hearing keys clacking, after all - which leads me to think that either this "system" has the memory of a goldfish, or BT are simply just a bunch of lying, conniving rotters.
I have a degree in Computer Science and worked as a software engineer for more than a decade. Generally we don't engineer software to be this shit.
So am I being lied to?
Rather than waive the fee, as they had twice promised to do, they now offered us a 15% discount. What a bargain! They disconnect you without warning or permission, force you into a twelve month contract with them against your will, charge £125 to reconnect you, but now you only pay £106.25. What other mugger would offer you such a good deal?
"Give me all the cash in your wallet!"
"No!"
"Erm... Ok. Give me 85% of the cash."
Yeah. Right.
This time, however, I was away from home, so BT spoke to my partner, Caragh. She can be pretty fierce, take it from me, and I think BT might have met their match with her. So... finally - FINALLY - the wicked corporate goldfish monster relented. They admitted that they were in error, again, and they waived the fee, again.
I didn't trust them. I phoned.
"You've really cancelled that ridiculous fee?"
"Yes."
And they actually had. With a massive sigh of relief, I asked them to lift the restrictions on my phone. They had disabled outgoing calls from our phone because I wouldn't pay their outlandish charge in the first place. Now that they'd realised their mistake, I just wanted to forget about the last two months of fighting them. I wanted my phone working again.
"It will cost you £12," they said.
"But no," I said, quietly and patiently. "You disabled my phone because I didn't pay your £125. Now you have admitted charging me in error and removed the charge. I am not paying you to lift the restrictions."
"The restrictions were placed on the phone because you didn't pay the remainder of the bill, the advance line rental, call charges and processing fee."
"But all that amounts to... about £38," I said. "And you'll see that I paid you a £50 deposit in December, just like you asked me to. Is my maths rusty, or don't you now owe me £12?"
"No. That £50 was a deposit. You'll get that back in 6 months. You still owe us £38. We'll add the £12 charge for lifting the restrictions to you next bill."
I gave up. I'd had enough. I sighed. I paid. When I have enough energy to continue dealing with them, I'll fight this second charge. I don't care if it's £12 or £1200, or 12p. It's the principle of the thing. You have to stand up to muggers and fight back.
And then I realised that the cash I'd just paid them included a £4.50 "payment processing fee."
Payment processing fee? Surely BT don't charge you for paying them money? That couldn't be right, could it?
"What's this payment processing fee?" I asked.
"If you don't pay by direct debit, we have to charge you £4.50 to process your payment."
"But I paid by debit card."
"Yes but we still have to process it."
I thought about this. "How much is does it cost to process the processing fee?" I asked. "If you charge me for paying my bill, then what's the charge for paying the charge?"
"Nothing."
"Why? If you don't charge to process the processing fee, why do you charge to process the bill? Can't you just process the bill in the same way you process the processing fee - you know... the free way?"
They said, "The bank charges us £4.50 every time we accept a payment by debit card."
"FOUR POUNDS FIFTY!? My bank charges you £4.50 every time I use my debit card?"
"Yes."
"But that's ridiculous!" I exclaimed. "I've used my debit card thousands of times, for small purchases as well as large ones. If they charged a shop £4.50 every time I spend a fiver on my card, the shop wouldn't make any money. Nobody would accept debit cards."
I get the feeling that BT are lying to me again, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt one last time. I'll go into my bank on Monday and confirm that they do indeed charge BT £4.50 every time I use my debit card. If my bank doesn't charge this much, then this seems to me to be a case of fraud, and it becomes a matter for the police.
Before I hung up, I asked them again to send out my compensation form. If it doesn't turn up within a week, then I'll lodge an official complaint with OFCOM. I also asked them to confirm they have the right address. Four times now, I've asked them to change it, and four times they have changed it. And four times it has mysteriously changed back to the wrong address.
They still had the wrong address. They changed it again. Fifth time lucky? Will it stay that way? Or will BT's computer system continue to swim around and around, gaping at the insides of its bowl?
Meanwhile, I'll continue to wait for them to return my deposit, which will have risen from £50 to £54.50, once I include the processing fee.
Now, I'm pretty sure the operator had typed something into his computer - I remembered hearing keys clacking, after all - which leads me to think that either this "system" has the memory of a goldfish, or BT are simply just a bunch of lying, conniving rotters.
I have a degree in Computer Science and worked as a software engineer for more than a decade. Generally we don't engineer software to be this shit.
So am I being lied to?
Rather than waive the fee, as they had twice promised to do, they now offered us a 15% discount. What a bargain! They disconnect you without warning or permission, force you into a twelve month contract with them against your will, charge £125 to reconnect you, but now you only pay £106.25. What other mugger would offer you such a good deal?
"Give me all the cash in your wallet!"
"No!"
"Erm... Ok. Give me 85% of the cash."
Yeah. Right.
This time, however, I was away from home, so BT spoke to my partner, Caragh. She can be pretty fierce, take it from me, and I think BT might have met their match with her. So... finally - FINALLY - the wicked corporate goldfish monster relented. They admitted that they were in error, again, and they waived the fee, again.
I didn't trust them. I phoned.
"You've really cancelled that ridiculous fee?"
"Yes."
And they actually had. With a massive sigh of relief, I asked them to lift the restrictions on my phone. They had disabled outgoing calls from our phone because I wouldn't pay their outlandish charge in the first place. Now that they'd realised their mistake, I just wanted to forget about the last two months of fighting them. I wanted my phone working again.
"It will cost you £12," they said.
"But no," I said, quietly and patiently. "You disabled my phone because I didn't pay your £125. Now you have admitted charging me in error and removed the charge. I am not paying you to lift the restrictions."
"The restrictions were placed on the phone because you didn't pay the remainder of the bill, the advance line rental, call charges and processing fee."
"But all that amounts to... about £38," I said. "And you'll see that I paid you a £50 deposit in December, just like you asked me to. Is my maths rusty, or don't you now owe me £12?"
"No. That £50 was a deposit. You'll get that back in 6 months. You still owe us £38. We'll add the £12 charge for lifting the restrictions to you next bill."
I gave up. I'd had enough. I sighed. I paid. When I have enough energy to continue dealing with them, I'll fight this second charge. I don't care if it's £12 or £1200, or 12p. It's the principle of the thing. You have to stand up to muggers and fight back.
And then I realised that the cash I'd just paid them included a £4.50 "payment processing fee."
Payment processing fee? Surely BT don't charge you for paying them money? That couldn't be right, could it?
"What's this payment processing fee?" I asked.
"If you don't pay by direct debit, we have to charge you £4.50 to process your payment."
"But I paid by debit card."
"Yes but we still have to process it."
I thought about this. "How much is does it cost to process the processing fee?" I asked. "If you charge me for paying my bill, then what's the charge for paying the charge?"
"Nothing."
"Why? If you don't charge to process the processing fee, why do you charge to process the bill? Can't you just process the bill in the same way you process the processing fee - you know... the free way?"
They said, "The bank charges us £4.50 every time we accept a payment by debit card."
"FOUR POUNDS FIFTY!? My bank charges you £4.50 every time I use my debit card?"
"Yes."
"But that's ridiculous!" I exclaimed. "I've used my debit card thousands of times, for small purchases as well as large ones. If they charged a shop £4.50 every time I spend a fiver on my card, the shop wouldn't make any money. Nobody would accept debit cards."
I get the feeling that BT are lying to me again, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt one last time. I'll go into my bank on Monday and confirm that they do indeed charge BT £4.50 every time I use my debit card. If my bank doesn't charge this much, then this seems to me to be a case of fraud, and it becomes a matter for the police.
Before I hung up, I asked them again to send out my compensation form. If it doesn't turn up within a week, then I'll lodge an official complaint with OFCOM. I also asked them to confirm they have the right address. Four times now, I've asked them to change it, and four times they have changed it. And four times it has mysteriously changed back to the wrong address.
They still had the wrong address. They changed it again. Fifth time lucky? Will it stay that way? Or will BT's computer system continue to swim around and around, gaping at the insides of its bowl?
Meanwhile, I'll continue to wait for them to return my deposit, which will have risen from £50 to £54.50, once I include the processing fee.
posted by Alan Campbell | 12:14 PM
10 Comments:
I feel your pain. BT are crap.
Incidentally, as a student who moonlights at a call centre, I can tell you that hearing the clack of keyboard keys in the background doesn't necessarily mean the operator is writing something on your records. He/she could be typing a comment on someone's blog, like I am now, while an annoying person complains to me about something a different company has done. (No kidding!)
I know it, Stefan. I used to work in a call centre when I was a student, too. Funnily enough I worked for BT, answered calls for directory enquiries.
Someone once phoned me up to complain about their neighbours' dog barking. Another guy threatened to kill himself right there on the phone, because I couldn't give him his ex girlfriend's phone number (ex-directory, the operator can't see phone the number either.) I spoke to the poor guy for an hour. Messed up the 23 second "average length of call" target I was supposed to be aiming for.
My boss had a call once from a wee old scottish wifey. "I've just had my phone put in," she said. "But there's a lot of loose cable coming out of the wall. Do you think you could pull it from your end?"
Still, those were the days before BT broke.
"You've got the CRM system running, yeah? Tivoli? Ok, is my record loaded? Great. Down the bottom of the 'Actions' panel you'll see a check box labelled 'Initiate call-centre thermonuclear self-destruct'. Could you check that for me please?"
You could write a Kafka-esque novel about all this. Or at least a novella. Small compensation, I know.
Hey, did you tell these guys that you worked on Grand Theft Auto? That might shut them up a minute, give em something to fear.
Its a shame you cannot work a call centre into the Deepgate series. That would be entertaining.
Methinks you should have gotten your lady involved long ago...
Hey, Alan, can we hear about something less depressing ... like an Iron Angel? Shit, I'm looking forwards to that!
Lol. You're right, Neal.
This blog has become my personal ranting space.
Well, mine is too. I occasionally try breaking it up with some mention of books, but often fail miserably when something has annoyed me enough.
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