Does this work?

I was going to write something on my blog last night, but I made this instead, so I'll post it. It uses a filter which might not work for early versions of Flash. Actually, I don't even know if you can embed Flash into a blog, so here goes.




You need to click it, then click it some more.

It's utterly pointless.

How to make enemies and receive death threats on Myspace

All you need to do is hold a competition. You know - get people involved, give away some prizes, promote that book?

After all the years I worked on the Grand Theft Auto games, I'd gathered a fair collection of Rockstar prap - the sort of merchandise game development companies typically give their employees: hats, cds, jackets, games, keyfobs, t-shirts. Sometimes it's collectable. (Although usually you'd rather have had a cheque.)

So my agent and I thought it would be fun to hold a GTA competition to promote Scar Night. We decided on some prizes and announced the contest on a few groups. And that's when the trouble started.

"Yo niga, u gona get fucked/spammed/destroyed/raped", etc, etc.

Self-styled teen gangstas didn't want these sorts of prizes, they wanted guns with "Rockstar on the grip - Kool." They wanted "hookers wif uzis". And they didn't like "noobies". This was their Myspace patch and they were defending it.

I shouldn't have taken the bait, but I got into a virtual slugging match with somebody, which led to a virtual brawl, which led to a full-on gansta spammer virtual incursion of my Myspace page.

Anyhoo, I pulled the competition faster than Larry Silverstein pulled WTC 7. My Myspace profile fared better than Lebanon (it's still standing). But it's going to be a while before I decide to hold another competition or get dragged into another virtual war. Writers are supposed to lead quiet lives.

How not to pull women on Myspace

I'm getting into this Myspace thing now. It's the 3rd (or 4th, depending on who you believe) most visited website in the world, despite the fact that it sucks. It sucks because to customize your page you need to paste chunks of highly user-unfriendly code into various odd places and because there's no "log in" button on the main page and because links vanish and reappear at random and so on.

But it's a thing of genius. At first, I wasn't sure at all. This idea of being able to choose friends at the click of a mouse button just seems wrong. When was the last time you went up to a stranger and said, "Hi. You look like an interesting person. Will you be my friend?" Normally there's an introduction first, beers, conversation. And then once you've discovered that you hate them, you must extricate yourself with a lengthy string of platitudes before walking away. In Myspace, it's click-click-bye.

Of course, "friend" doesn't necessarily mean friend in the Myspace world. Contact would be a better word, and Fascinating person who I've just bumped into and would probably have a laugh with if we chatted in a bar (because ultimately we like the same sort of stuff) is probably more accurate. No room for that in your sidebar, though.

There are the obvious promotional advantages. If Myspace Tom likes Author X and your book is described as being similar to X's work, then there's a chance that Tom might like your writing too. That's all fine and good, but often those who like X in the first place have similar tastes to me anyway. So they're already in that Fascinating person... yada, yada... if we chatted... category. So I find their pages interesting. That's what's so great about it.

Oh yeah, it's totally voyeuristic too. Cool beans for writers.

Dredging the site for characters can wait. There will be millions of people on Myspace who like EastEnders, but right now I don't know who they are and I couldn't care less. Similarly, there must be tens of millions who are just looking for a shag. One girl blogged about receiving yet another "you're hot" email from a guy who'd lied about his age and profession in his profile. My brother's girlfriend gets these all the time too.

I'm in a relationship with someone I love, so I'm happy to be spared all that crass, lustful attention. It must be terrible. Awful. The depths some people stoop to, eh? Sheesh.

I haven't found any "you're hot" emails in my inbox. Out of 100 million Myspace users I've received a total of zero.

Zilch.

Nada.

Which is good, obviously.

Still... Not even one.

Nothing Happened Today

Well nothing worth writing about. No new reviews. I didn't get into a fight or find a pound note. I didn't decide I wanted to speak to my mate, Justin, and then set out to walk the 27 miles from here to Edinburgh at 3am in the rain, then collapse shivering beside the road after 6 miles with bleeding feet and fall asleep till dawn then limp back 2 miles to the nearest bus shelter to wait four hours (scratching obscenities into the perspex walls with a ten pence piece) for a bus to take me the rest of the way home.

Nope.

But I did join the Elder Scrolls: Oblivion group on Myspace, where I'll find tips on how to beat my agent and Paul Cornell at this game. Don't tell Simon, though - it's a secret.

Another Review

A great review from SFF world.

a story of angels and chains, of death and rebirth.

No spoilers here, I'm pleased to say.

The Abyss

Yesterday, I posted a link to a new review for Scar Night in one the national newspapers, but unfortunately I've now had to withdraw it from here after a friend of mine pointed out a major problem. The review contains one hell of a spoiler. I'd better explain.

Scar Night is about the abyss, of course. Those people who live above it don't know what is down there. Most just believe what the church tells them is down there (they have no way to know for sure until they die). Some characters, however, have doubts.

Is the church telling the faithful the truth? Will their ghosts live on in the darkness until the time comes to reclaim heaven? Or does something more sinister lurk in the uncharted depths beneath the city?

For me, this is an important element of the story (probably the most important element) which is why I wait till chapter 26, almost 400 pages into the book, before I divulge what actually lies at the bottom of the abyss. Yesterday's reviewer managed to do the same in about 100 words.

So I'm reluctant to post the link now. It's a shame, because it's a mostly positive review.

p.s.

You know that play, The Mousetrap? Well, [edited by the blog moderator].

Promotion Promotion

My wee brother - bless him - has set up a Myspace page for Scar Night. Of course my book only has three friends (not counting "Tom" who seems to be the default friend so you don't feel too bad), but it's early days I suppose. I have absolutely no idea how this thing works, but if you are a myspace user and would like to befriend a book, then Scar Night would be very happy.

I've been trying to sort out a proper website with all the bells and whistles, but in the meantime there's this googlepages site, which seemed to be a handy place to park all those nice reviews.

The US cover flats from Bantam arrived today, and very nice they are too.



Many thanks to Stephen Youll for the superb artwork.

Popcorn on Standby

Some links for the Broadbanders:

Star Trek: Intrepid is a fanfilm made by a guy I used to work with. Maybe the acting isn't going to win any Oscars, but it looks like they had a lot of fun creating this and special effects are fab. (Watch out for a special guest appearance by GMTV's Lorraine Kelly.)

Bloodspell is a "machinima" animated film using real time video-game rendering technology. (Take note, Simon, I'm thinking Elder Scrolls IV: Neighbours) here. Bloodspell has blood, magic, angels and huge amounts of vicious smiting, so what more could you ask for?

And lastly Gangster Friday is a short film, starring meself and some of the guys from DMA/Rockstar. We made it yonks ago to promote Grand Theft Auto, but it was never unleashed upon the unsuspecting public.

(A good thing too. Yeah, like I was actually going to post a link here -- I'm in it, for God's sake, and it's the most cringe-worthy thing I've ever seen. A bunch of guys with truly appalling faux American accents bombing round Dundee in cars while pretending to shoot at each other. Nope... that one will remain out of the public gaze, thank you very much.)